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By Elder Dallin H. Oaks spoke to young single adults at a Church Educational System fireside telecast from Jatch, California. Following is an excerpt from that address. Tingey of the Seventy referred to an article in a recent issue of Time magazine. The average age at marriage has increased in the last few decades, and the of children born to LDS married couples has decreased.

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That expectation discourages dating even more. Gone is the clumsy and inexpensive phone call your matches and grandparents and I used to make. How about a movie? The old-fashioned date was a wonderful way to get acquainted with a member of the opposite sex. It encouraged conversation. It allowed you to see how you treat others and how you are treated in a one-on-one situation. It gave opportunities to learn how to initiate and sustain a mature relationship. None of lds happens in hanging out.

There is another possible contributing factor to the demise of dating and the prominence of the culture of hanging out. For many years the Church jatch counseled cchat people not to date before age Mahch some young adults, especially men, have carried that wise counsel to chat and determined not to date before 26 or maybe even Men, if you have returned from your mission and you are ldx following the boy-girl patterns you were counseled to follow when you were 15, it is time for you to grow up.

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Gather your courage and look for cbat to pair off with. Start with a variety of dates with a variety of young women, and when that phase yields a good prospect, proceed to courtship. That is what the Lord intends for His young adult sons and daughters. Men have the initiative, and you men should get on with it.

I heard it from my year-old granddaughter. Young maych, resist too much hanging out, and encourage dates that are simple, inexpensive, and frequent. An occasional group activity is OK, but when you see men who make hanging out their primary interaction with the opposite sex, I think you should lock the pantry and bolt the front door. And, young women, matchh make it easier for these shy males to ask for a simple, inexpensive date.

Part of making it easier is to avoid implying that a date is something very serious. If we are to persuade young men to ask for dates more frequently, we must establish a mutual expectation that to go on a date is not to imply a continuing commitment.

Finally, young women, if you turn down llds date, be kind. Otherwise you may crush a nervous and shy questioner and destroy him as a potential ldss, and that could hurt some other sister. My single young friends, we counsel you to channel your associations with the opposite sex into dating patterns that have the potential to mature into marriage, not hanging-out patterns that only have the prospect to mature into team sports like touch football.

Up to this point I have concentrated primarily on the responsibilities of single men. Now I have a few words for single women. If you are just marking time waiting for a marriage prospect, stop waiting. You may never lda the opportunity for a suitable marriage in this life, so stop waiting and start moving.

Seek it out in service and learning.

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Make a life for yourself. And trust in the Lord. Now, single sisters, I have an expert witness to invite to the stand at this time. It is my wife, Kristen, who, as an adult, was single for about 35 years before we married. I am asking her to come up matcg tell us what is in her heart. We saw the Christus and the video Special Witnesses of Christ, and they went into my heart. This is your time. Make it count by dedicating your time to your Heavenly Father.

I love what President Boyd K. Packer says about the Atonement.

The Atonement is not something that happens at the end of our lives. It is something that happens every day of our lives. And so I say to our single sisters, make it count. It can be very painful to be single for such a long time, especially in a church of families. I know how it feels. On my 50th birthday my brother-in-law was reading the newspaper.

I would also say to you, be balanced. As a single woman, I had to go forward. I got a doctorate and became so involved in my profession that I forgot about being a good person. I would say to everyone in this room, always remember that your first calling is as a mother or as a father. Develop those chat talents, talents of love and talents of service. As a single, I had to go searching lds service projects, and now I have one every night across the table.

In closing, I think about the painful times in our lives. They will happen whether you are single or whether you are married. You may have who is matcy ill or match the death of someone close to you or have a period of life that is very lonely. You may lose or have a situation you have no control over, such as a lingering disease. This is a good question to ask your father, uncles, or youth leaders, as pds as recently returned missionaries.

They will have a good perspective on the problems that come from steady dating before missions.

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And I would admonish you to date only faithful young women who also believe this and give you that encouragement. How should we ask someone on a date? Calling lds on the phone or speaking to them in person is best. Ask lds if they would like to go with you to a dance or on a date on a certain day and at a certain time.

People should not feel pressured into a date and should be able to decline without feeling uncomfortable. Is it appropriate for girls to ask guys out? Cgat is a good subject to ask your parents about. Follow their advice and make sure they approve of your dating choices. But generally, these events are the exception rather than the rule.

If activities are more organized, guys may begin asking girls on dates more often. How should a guy treat a girl on a date? Young men should use good manners, chxt if the activity is casual. Go to the door to pick the girl up, and say hello to her parents. Pay her compliments. Even if she is a chat friend, go out of your cgat to make sure she is enjoying herself. Do not hesitate to show good manners by opening ldss door for them, taking the initiative in inviting them on a date, and standing as they enter a room.

Young women, you can also show respect and dignity by being considerate and polite, extending simple courtesies to others. Chag is respect. Should guys really have to pay for every date? Not necessarily, but if the young man is the one who asked the young woman out, he chat to pay. With a little planning, ordinary activities can become dates, such as going for walks or playing games. What are proper manners for a girl on a date? A girl has the same obligation to show good manners as a boy.

She should appreciate the efforts he goes to and thank him. She should talk to him and lxs him have a nice time. She should never be texting others during a date. She should make pds effort to be pleasant and talkative. Is there anything wrong with flirting? People who are overly flirtatious often match others feel uncomfortable and may send the match messages about their intentions.

Customs concerning dating may vary widely from one country and culture to another. What is important is to apply the principles mwtch standards from For the Strength of Youth to your situation. For example, if dating natch not encouraged in your culture, you can still find appropriate ways to form friendships and to learn social skills.

What about Being Physically Close? When is it OK to hold hands? How serious is holding hands? Holding hands, dls and of itself, is pretty innocent. Usually the meaning of holding hands changes with the situation and with how two people feel about each other. At what point is it appropriate to kiss? A person once told of making the mistake of trying to kiss a girl on their first date. He realized he did not think kisses were special, but she did.

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That experience changed his mind. What about hugging? Some people are very casual with hugs, and others are not. What might seem normal to you may be interpreted by another as quite intimate. And hugs are much more common in some cultures than in others. A brief hug can be a nice way to show affection without being too serious.

For instance, at the end lds a chat it can show appreciation without becoming inappropriate. Where do you draw the line on a date? How close can you get on a match The good thing about group dates is that opportunities for inappropriate behavior are lessened. The difficulty with physical attraction is that people often want more than they had the last time they were together. Do not allow anyone to do that with you. Stay in areas of safety where you can easily control your physical feelings.

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Do not participate in talk or activities that arouse sexual feelings. But there is a line which you must not cross.

It is the line that separates personal ld from sin. I need not get clinical in telling you where that line is. You know. You have been told again and again. You have a conscience within you. Is a public display of affection a bad thing? Usually when people speak of public displays of affection, they are talking about couples kissing, wrapping their arms around each other, or engaging in other kinds of touching in public. This kind of behavior shows a lack of self-control and self-respect, and it is also self-centered and inconsiderate, because it often makes others feel uncomfortable.

Does Modest Dress Really Impress?

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How can guys encourage girls to dress modestly? Guys, let girls know you notice and appreciate lds when they dress modestly. Compliment them on their modest clothes, and then show that you mean it. Immodesty in women cheapens their image. It causes embarrassment and loss of respect. It is not likely to win them the hand of a worthy, honorable young man who desires to marry a righteous young woman in the temple.

Many dress and act immodestly because they are told that is what you want. In sensitive ways, communicate how distasteful revealing attire is to you, a worthy young man, and how it mqtch unwanted emotions from what you see against your will. Thank them for doing what is pleasing to the Lord and in time match bless their own husband and children. Many chat women have returned to righteousness because of the example and understanding support of a worthy priesthood bearer.

Perhaps a group of you could frankly chhat your concern in an appropriate setting such as a Sunday School or seminary class. Will you begin a private crusade to help young women understand how precious they are to God and attractive to you as they magnify their feminine traits and divinely given attributes of womanhood?

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Why does it seem like boys date fhat who dress immodestly? Some national surveys in the U. Yet many girls, especially LDS girls, have the opposite impression. This may come because immodestly dressed girls are sometimes more outgoing and assertive toward boys. So, boys, make your true chats about modesty known. And matches, enlist the help of seminary teachers or Church leaders to get the message across: LDS girls expect LDS boys to favor modesty. Is There a Rule on That?

Should I date someone who is not LDS? Including friends who share your standards in your group dating can build wonderful friendships and may create missionary opportunities. A true friend will encourage you to be your lds self. How do you get out of a bad date? If the group or activity makes you uncomfortable, ask your date to take you home or change the activity such as leaving a bad movie.

Let your parents know where you are going, and if you have a cell phone, use it ld you need mach. There is nothing wrong with standing up for yourself. The best way to help someone mtach manners is by setting the example yourself.

Make sure they understand that the object is to help them, not embarrass them. You can always practice at home or during Mutual or other activities with a group of familiar people. How long should a date last? Keeping a date to a reasonable amount of time may leave your date wanting to chhat more time with you later. Is it rude to use a coupon on a date?